Me, really?

Four years ago Friday I wrote my first post. It was my birthday. For many years prior I had been in this battle with my understanding of who God was/is. I was blessed with two very strong christian women in my life, Meghan and Lindsey. Both never pushed "religion" or God on me, they just displayed His character, extended love, mercy, and grace.

Meghan displayed faith in the Lord I couldn't understand during the suffering of a dear little man many of us in the NICU grew to love deeply. She never wavered in her faith in the Lord, even when he went to our Heavenly Father. Through her blog, I stumbled upon another woman's blog, Angie Smith. Again, in the midst of her suffering, her faith in the Lord was breathtaking. It was through Angie's blog, I met another woman, Jill Samter. The list goes on and on. I watch these women struggle with not understanding God's will, but still loving Him and trusting Him regardless of their circumstances. Secretly, I envied them. I wondered why God didn't love me like them. Why He abandoned me.  I wanted to have faith like they did, like that of a mustard seed. So small, yet when sown is so big.

Lindsey is my neighbor and one of my best friends. On many occasions she would invite me to church, Grace church. I often spoke negatively about God, church, religion, but not once did she judge or try to change my mind. Her character and the way she loved me was gentle in spirit, humble, Christ like. Many years later, after that first invite, I attended Grace church. It was different than what I was use to. People were wearing jeans...really? Their was this amazing band playing loud, awesome worship music. The messages the pastor gave was really...thought provoking. He would often say, "don't take my word for it, got to scripture, read."
I liked it...a lot!

I started attending the women's bible study. Loved, loved, loved it. Then, the pastor mentioned a new ministry that would soon be starting, Recovery. "Everyone has something to recover from, addiction, loss of a loved one, abuse, divorce..." I attended the first meeting and have been going ever since.

Funny how God works. You see, He used these women, the church, the ministry's to reach me. Because of these women, I started to desire to know God. I was starting to understand prior to writing my first post, but secretly I still struggled with believing, with trusting. I also couldn't stop searching, reading, yearning for Him.

For most of my life, I struggled with depression. I also struggled with really believing God loves me, accepts me...a sinner. During this time, while searching, I struggled hard. Stuggled with fear, doubt, being
unworthy. The enemy didn't like where I was going. You can read some of those struggles here on this blog.

Almost two years after I started to yearn after God, one night, while in Recovery, He saved me. I have been forever changed. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Ephesians 2:1-10 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ by grace you have been saved, and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (emphasis mine).

Today, I'm blessed beyond what I ever thought possible. I'm very involved in the Recovery ministry at church. I get to watch God work in the lives of the women and men in this ministry. How awesome is that!! I've been told by others, He has spoken through me to them. At first I use to think...me, really? Today, I don't doubt that, the Lord continues to speak to me through many brothers and sisters in Christ.

With another birthday approaching, the lenses in which I see my life are different now. I still struggle, but like those women God placed in my life years ago, I struggle with confidence and faith that He will never leave nor forsake me. That He calms the storms, walks with me through fire, pulls me up from that pit, carries me when I am weak. I trust His hands to mold me, to hold me. I am so richly blessed.

My prayer for you...be still, listen. You never know who He's using to speak to you, or who through you He's speaking to.

Outcast...

A little over a month ago I decided to begin reading/studying the New Testament. I am now in the book of Luke...The birth of Jesus. His timing, always perfect.

I've always known the story of Jesus' birth, but it wasn't till I was saved that I truly understood the significance. Each time I read the story in Luke, something different stands out for me.

Just the other day I found myself having a conversation with a dear friend of mine where I told her, "Sometimes I feel like an outcast among others when it comes to my faith in the Lord. It's so hard at times."
Her response..."Well of course we are, isn't that awesome!"

Awesome?

I've pondered our conversation a lot lately.

Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.  And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name JESUS. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.” Luke 1:31-33

Then Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I do not know a man?” Luke 1:34

As I read Mary's response, I put myself in her shoes. I began to think about how I may have responded. First, um...I'm suppose to be getting married. What am I suppose to tell Joseph, surely he'll never believe I'm a virgin! He'll never want to marry me!

Finally, what will people be thinking? Saying?

Surely, I will be an outcast.

But Mary responded, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."
Luke 1:38

Awesome

I can't recall where, but I recently read, "those that have found favor with God should not give way to disquieting, distrustful fears."

Mary chose God.

She chose faith.

Mary and Joseph are traveling back to Bethlehem to register.

So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:6-7

Here is a man, with his very pregnant wife unable to find a place to stay. I understand accommodations may have been scarce, as many were returning to their home town to register. What I find difficult to understand is why no one, for one night, could spare a room to a pregnant woman. Mary had no home, no bed. Instead, Joseph gathers hay in the stable; a bed where Mary delivers her first child in a barn. A barn!

I have five children, and I promise you, it's excruciating pain. I remember being stuck behind a train and having to take a detour in route to deliver my fourth child. I was in pain and panic, I did not want to deliver in the back of my car. I'm pretty sure I was yelling in pain at my husband to hurry. My son was delivered shortly after I arrived at the hospital. There was some yelling involved as the nurse told me not to push as the doctor wasn't there yet. Um...impossible...the baby is coming now! The doctor was late.

Mary has no woman there to assist her in her delivery. It's just her and Joseph. She must have been scared. I'm sure Joseph must have been in a bit of a panic as well. She let an out an agonizing cry right before Jesus entered this world. And then....

Her babies first cry. He was born to a woman, one whom no one would take in...an outcast.

God planned it this way. Why?

Because He found favor in her.

Because God became man to experience life as we do...an outcast.

Matthew Henry commentary states: "We were become by sin like an outcast infant, helpless and forlorn; and such a one Christ was.

Just like last year, I worked Christmas Eve in the NICU. One by one, parents arrive to see, hold, smell, and simply marvel over their child. Even if you don't have children, there is just something about a babies cry and purity that makes people smile and get a warm feeling inside. More often than not, tears are shed at their child's birth.

The Son of God lets out His first cry. Think about the similarities...Picture Mary curled on her side, baby Jesus in her arms, tears of joy stream down her face. Joseph kneeling by her side in awe over what just transpired. He too sheds tears. Mary gently places Him in a manger. Suddenly, where they are, what their circumstances are, doesn't matter.

Surely, if one were to look upon this child, he would utter "this cannot be the Son of God."

But He is!

He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. John 1:10-11

The Lord came, and no one recognized Him.

The Lord came, and His people rejected Him.

The Son of God comes to us in the image of the unlikely...A child not of royalty, but one of poverty, wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.

Jesus started and lived His life as an outcast, all because God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Jesus lived His life suffering rejection, humiliation, pain, and temptation just as we do, but sinless. The purpose of His life...to give me...give you...the gift of eternal life.

As the babe lay in the manger, in fields nearby, an angel appears to the shepherds. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 
         
“Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”  Luke 2:10-14

The shepherds go to Bethlehem to see this babe. After they saw Jesus, they spread the word about what the angel had told them about this Child. Many were amazed by what the shepherds said. What was said about Mary stood out for me...

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I can't help but wonder, Mary knows Jesus is the Son of God, but does she grasp the full meaning of His purpose?

What is the meaning of the Christmas? For many, this time of year can be depressing. Loss of jobs, loss of homes, memories of loved one's lost. The pressure of trying to find the perfect gift for others. We become so focus on what we don't have, we lose sight of of what we do have...the most precious gift of all...A SAVIOR!

Jesus was born with a purpose, to die that we may have life. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 2Corintians 5:21


As Christians we can't look at the birth of Jesus and not look at the cross.

His birth, life, death on the cross, and resurrection portrays...

Suffering and healing. Jesus' suffering for our healing. His death on the cross, His separation from God the Father...such anguish for one man to bear. It's by His wounds we are healed!

Rejection and triumph. How many betrayed and rejected Jesus? In His human nature, He surely felt rejected by God the Father. He begged God to take this cup from Him...yet, "not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42. An empty tomb...triumph...VICTORY!

Pastor Pete Wilson, in a recent post said: "Part of the Christmas message is God telling his people, 'You can’t predict me. I’ll show up anytime and anywhere. I’ll show up in the midst of the most unlikely circumstances and through the most unlikely people.'

Why? Because I’m God and you’re not."

Mary was willing to suffer difficulty in her marriage, to be ostracized by society, because "For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name." Luke 1:49

Suddenly, feeling like an outcast isn't so bad, because He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name.

Awesome!

May you all be richly blessed this Christmas...Christ the Savior is born!

Past, Present, & Future...Salt Springs Memories

This summer we were able to once again, enjoy one of our favorite camping areas, Salt Springs. For more than twenty years now we have enjoyed this beautiful site. When my husband and I first discovered this site together, we would camp here with my older children more than three times a summer. As we had children together, our trips dwindled down and eventually ceased for over ten years until our first trip back in 2010.

Our return last year was with our two youngest boys, whom we've never taken. Emily, my youngest daughter, was the only one of our three children together we've taken camping here. Sadly, she doesn't remember as she was only six months old. I'm hoping next year she will be able to join us and experience the most amazing time together as family with such breathtaking backdrops.

This year we were able to once again, camp with our two younger boys along with one of their closest friends. Our traditional camp site, White Azalea, was unavailable. Not to worry, the new camp site was equally as satisfying. My only wishes...we could have gone more than once...my daughter could have come...my older children and their families could have joined as well.




Path just slightly beyond our large tent which lead to a private camp area hidden among the trees.

 





One of many hiking trails

  


Standing amidst these trees you really realize just how small you are in all of creation.





Slept to the sounds of rushing water all night. Soothing.

 



Bear River Reservoir which feeds into Salt Springs

 

During this trip we saw two bear cubs, several deer, many squirrels, snakes, spiders and other creepy crawly things,  and this lizard. This lizard reminded me of the verses in Matthew and Luke about worry. At five feet tall, I'm not a large person. From the lizard's perspective, I was a giant, yet he really showed no fear of me. As I looked at the picture in my camera's view finder, I noticed the blue on his back was much more prominent in the picture with the water in the background than him on the tree. God created the lizard with the ability to blend into his environment as a way of protection from predators. In the same sense, scripture gives us that same protection. Kinda cool to see how God has provided everything for all His creation.





The boys decided to go on an adventure....

 

Nick made sure Alex wasn't left standing.

 



Trust me...they're freezing.




Small sandy area to the left of the camp.



The view to the right of my seat.

  I spent many moment at this little "beach" area. Listening to the sounds of the water, the leaves rustling in the wind, the birds, the boys laughter off into the distance. All filled my mind with new memories and reminded me of many old memories of past camping trips. Some of my most joyful memories are right here in the middle of God's creation.




Preparing for nightfall

You often hear of the importance of family dinners, there is certainly something about a shared meal as a family that brings dividends to the family. In todays busy life and all its distractions, the campfire is also a place for an equally magical experience within the family. Heck, camping in its entirety is. No cell phones, no Facebook, no TV, no computer games or emails...just a time to enjoy and get to know one another. To communicate, to build bonds that even time can't break. It's times like these you build value in one another. Laughter, singing, and conversation that fills the soul. Memories to last a lifetime. Moments to cherish forever and pass down from generation to generation.  

 What a joy it has been to share this beautiful area with my husband of twenty years, building memories with each other and our children.