What defines your life?

Hello my friends!

It's been an awfully long time since my last post...

What happened?

Where have you been, you ask.

Well...Life happened!


Suddenly, I found myself drenched in the realities of life's circumstances.

Like many, we too have suffered at the hands of the recession. Things became extremely difficult several months ago. Our income decrease, and we found ourselves struggling to make ends meet. Coupled with a bad mortgage loan, we began to slowly see our world as we knew it disintegrating before our eyes.

We placed our home up for short sale in May, and waited...and waited...and waited. I'm sure many of you know the drill. Constant calls from the mortgage company, followed by threats, then the dreaded statement..."your home is in foreclosure."

After five months of not a single offer, and some research on our part, we decided to file a deed in lieu of foreclosure. According to our bank, once an agent came to view the home, we had three days to leave. We decided to vacate the home sooner than later.

Three days after we moved, our realtor came to us with an offer. We quickly stopped the deed in lieu process and submitted the offer. And now we wait.

Words can't explain what a humiliating and humbling experience this has been. But more importantly...a defining moment!!

I'm also homeschooling my two boys. One is a Freshman, the other, a seventh grader. I decided to try a new system this year. In the past they have done an online program. In general it was a great program, just too much time on the computer. Together we selected several text books...and we were ready to go. Ahem, word of advice...don't wait till the last minute! I wish started much earlier than the beginning of the school year. I find myself, up to my neck with studying and trying to prepare lesson plans. It seems I just can't keep up (especially since I still work full time, three 12 hour shifts a week). I will say this, I wouldn't trade this moment with my boys for anything.

My boys are so unique in their own ways. I am so grateful that unlike many teens today who distance themselves from their parents, mine continue to include me in their lives. I'm loving every moment. Why?...another defining moment.

Many of you are aware that I suffer with a hearing deficit. Recently I had another hearing test done, with not so great of an outcome. I have lost greater than 40% of my hearing since my last exam five years ago. What does this mean? I need new hearing aids. Hmmm...not covered under insurance plan...with our current financial situation, this can be a bit of a problem.

At first, I was terrified by the results. Not being able to hear, has always been a fearful, emotional thing for me. I don't hear someone behind me...I think you understand my fear here. In a group, it's often hard to hear people talking...I tend to feel isolated because I am unable to contribute to a conversation. Not to mention...I don't want to miss a thing. It's often a very lonely experience.

I've found myself overwhelmed with wondering why all this is happening.

Lord, what is your purpose here?

What is my purpose?

What are You trying to get me to understand?

While cleaning my empty home, I found myself hearing the laughter of my children and grandchildren. With eyes closed, I could see the family together at Christmas, smell the meal, feel the love and joy. I was torn, wondering "how could this be!?" We picked out this counter tops,the tile, the carpet, the wall colors. This was our home! I felt a surge of anxiety, immediately followed by a calming.

It took me months to understand why I felt so calm about everything. Why am I no longer anxious or sad?

Because these things do not define me...my life!

God has always provided a home...where laughter, love and joy have all existed. He is always faithful, He has never forsaken me. With God all things are possible.

What does define my life...

My relationship with Jesus Christ!

My relationship with my family, friends and all those I encounter.

Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus states...
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

During church this morning we read 2Timothy 4:7-8 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

I have kept the faith! For I know He has plans for me. I am here for His purpose! Honestly, I don't often know what that is, but I trust in His plan.

Will I still be held captive by life's trials...yes.
Will I still "want"...yes.
Will it define me...absolutely not!

I've realized, it's not about what I have or don't have. It's about being filled with what God has given me.

No, I don't hear well, but I can read lips. I also have a wonderful husband, who looks after me in the hearing world. He often repeats what he knows I have missed, and he never puts me in a situation where I might be in danger without hearing. I also have some very dear friends and family members who do the same.

No, I don't have the home were we picked out the tiles, carpet and wall colors...but I do have a home. And in this home, I too hear laughter, feel love and joy.

No, I am not the best teacher. I struggle with explaining certain subjects to my boys...but I get to spend hours upon hours with my boys. Full of laughter, frustration, joy and love. It's worth every minute.

I will most likely not blog as much as the past. To those of you who have stopped by with love and an encouraging word...I thank you, it meant the world to me.

Sure my life is hard at times...but I love my life, every breath, why?...Because my life is a Gift from God...and so is yours!!

What defines your life?

The Wonder Years

It's official, as of August 22, 2009, I now have three teenagers. It's so hard to believe that the only babies in my life now are my precious grandchildren.

When I was pregnant with my oldest (now 26 with two children of her own), one song in particular was always on my mind...The Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. I remember saying to myself..."I am not going to be like that!" I didn't want to miss out on anything. I want to always have a bonding relationship with my children.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

I remember very clearly the day all of my children were born. I truly was in awe over how fearfully and wonderfully made each one of them where. But most importantly, I was honored that God blessed me with the opportunity to raise His children.

Sad but true, as time went on...there were bills to pay, lessons to study, a house to clean, meals to prepare, and many "not today, I got a lot to do." Yes, there were things I missed out on, but thank goodness, it's only a few things. I may not have been diligent about writing in their baby books, but I remember the first of everything, just like it was yesterday.

As my youngest was approaching his 13th birthday, I spent a lot of time reminiscing over my teenage years. They truly were the wonder years. I remember how overwhelmed I would feel at times. I've been doing a lot of listening to my teens lately...and you know what...they wonder the same things I did.

Will my friends accept me?

Am I pretty/good looking?

Am I smart enough?

Why does God let people suffer?

Why doesn't he/she like me?

Are my parents proud of me?

Why don't my parents like me?

Why do my parents constantly nag me?

What am I going to do when I grow up?

Should I have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Should I have sex?

Should I drink, do drugs?

Where should I work?

You all know the list goes on and on...the wonder years!

Something I realized as a parent to teenagers, I too am again in the wonder years.

I wonder...

Did I instill good moral values in my children?

Do they understand God's grace?

Will they make the right decisions?

What will they be when they grow up?

Will they say "no" to sex, to drugs and drinking?

Will they be strong under peer pressure?

Will they stand firm in their faith?

Did I represent Christ character when raising them?

Why don't they like me?

Will they trust God's promises for their life?

The list goes on and on...the wonder years.

It won't be long and I will be writing about the "empty nest syndrome." For now...I plan on enjoying the wonder years...cause I don't wanna miss a thing!

Many of you know, I already have two grown children, with children of their own. I am so proud of both of them. They are truly remarkable people. I am happy to say, they both are my closest and dearest friends. They live in different States, but we speak to each other almost daily.

Each and everyone of my children, created by the Almighty, are unique in there own way with their own style and quirks. As I've watched them grow, I am amazed at how God has a plan for all of us...no two plans are alike. I pray they will listen to His voice, always have faith, hold fast to His word and trust His promises.

I am richly blessed!

The Shepherd

Last Sunday the sermon was on Psalm 23. I haven't been able to think of much else this week. Funny thing is, I've heard this Psalm read many times, especially during a funeral. But, as I reflect on it this week and the message of my Pastor, something beautiful has unfolded.

I've mentioned here that, we have changed our diet. Today, my husband and I started a cleansing, a detox. We both want to be healthy and rid ourselves of all the harm we've done to our bodies over time. I believe this Psalm will carry me through this process. I know, it will not be easy...trust me when I say I got a "taste" of it this morning when I started. What I am certain of is this is the Lords will for my life, otherwise He would not have lead me in this direction.

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Websters defines shepherd as one who tends sheep. And the meaning of the word tend...to watch over.

"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me- just as the Father knows me and I know the father-and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:14-15

You see, the Lord is my shepherd...He owns me, He knows me, He watches over me, He cares for me, He provides for me. Therefore, I shall not want. It's important for me to be satisfied with His provisions for me, because they will always be perfect because He knows exactly what I need. It may not be what I want, but that isn't important. What's important is knowing that I can trust His provisions for my life.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.

He provides a place of rest for me and calms my storms, helping me find a sense of strength through Him. Again, it's all about trust.

3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Think about this verse for a moment. In my fallen nature, He rebuilds me. Wow, He creates multiple opportunities for me to seek Him. Just like a father leading his child through a crowd, He creates a path for me...leading me to somewhere safe. When I decide to take short cuts, he redirects my path...it's all up to me to trust and follow.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

When I read this verse, I think of a dark valley....my depression, often leads me to this valley. Here's the thing...He protects me! How do I know, how does anyone know? Believe me when I say, it is when you're broken...you know, you feel His presence. He leads you out of that valley. Again, you must trust and follow...He knows what you need, He will provide and protect. His love never fails!

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Even in the presence of our enemies, we can still be blessed. Why, because He will always win over the enemy! For me, often the enemy is in my mind. Satan places such foolish thoughts, controlling thoughts in my head, it wears me out physically, emotionally and mentally. The wonderful thing is...He delivers me! He defends and protects me, He will never forsake me...It's all about trust!

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.

This verse confirms His undying love for me. Sinful as we all are, Jesus died and made a way for me, for you, to live with Him forever! Ask yourself this question...would you be willing to let your child die to save the world, your enemies? God has given ALL an opportunity at eternal life.

"I am the good shepherd." The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. John 10:11

This Psalm is all about trust. How much do you trust Him?

Calling All Prayer Warriors!

Would you all please stop over MckMama's blog and pray for Stellan.

Things aren't going so well for the little guy and they could really use our prayers.

Thanks & God Bless!

An Adventure

My last post indicated I was making some changes. I'm so excited I just had to share.

I've made some changes in my diet. We have started a raw/vegetarian/eating some fish diet. I will say, this truly is an adventure. I had no idea what goes into raw or vegetarian cooking. There is definitely some advanced planning involved, especially if you need to soak nuts or grains.

I have been experimenting with a bunch of different creations, and today with the help two of Jennifer Cornbleet's recipe I made the most fabulous lunch. Even my kids liked it, and that's been tough to do.

This dish is a nut Pate, some fresh mango/ginger salsa from last nights dinner wrapped in green leaf lettuce. (recipe below) It was delicious and full of flavor. I will actually be using some of the Pate to make some sushi for lunch tomorrow. Along with some shredded carrot, red cabbage, and avocado, wrapped in a Nori sheet , I've got my sushi. I want you to know...I LOVE sushi! While I might be missing the traditional sushi, I'm looking forward to trying this tomorrow.

I realize this may not sound good to some of you, but trust me when I say...I feel great, and I enjoy the food. I've learned a lot in the last 14 days and I'm still learning. I've quit drinking coffee and I no longer have that 1-2 glasses of wine every night, and no longer take my bio-identical hormones (which weren't working, even after the four different types). I have been sleeping better, I still have those deadly hot flashes, but not nearly as much as when I was on medication. I'm praying that this will be one of those life time changes that will stick. I'm determined to live healthy and feel the benefits...after all I have grandchildren to play with.

Nut Pate

1 cups soaked raw sunflower seeds

1/2 cup soaked raw pumpkin seeds

1/4 cup soaked raw almonds

4 tablespoons water

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

1/2 teaspoon crushed garlic

Dash of cayenne pepper

3 tablespoons minced red onion

3 tablespoons minced celery

1/2 cup shredded carrot

1/3 cup sun dried tomatoes

3 teaspoons of a herb of your choice ( I used fresh basil)

about 1/2 teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil ( or to taste)

about 1/4 teaspoon Nama Soy Sauce ( or to taste)

Place the nuts, water, lemon juice, salt, garlic and cayenne in a food processor, stopping occasionally to scrape the sides. Add in the rest of the remaining ingredients and process till desired texture. Place in a bowl and add the olive oil and Nama Soy sauce to taste. This will store in the refrigerator for five days.

*for optimum benefits use organic

This is a big batch, remember I feed a family of five. You may have to cut down the recipe to accommodate your family.

The mango salsa is easy to make. Just mix tomatoes, pepper of your choice, cilantro, sea salt, lemon juice in a food processor. Add mango and fresh grated ginger to taste.

Most importantly...Have fun!

It's been a while & Jumps 4 Joy

Time really has just flown by this month. I've been absent here for several reasons. First, we went on vacation and had a wonderful time. I'll post about that at another date. Second, I've been discovering a lot about myself lately.

I've come to realize I need to spend far more time devoted to my Heavenly Father. Seeking Him, learning about Christ life here on earth, learning and understanding all He wants me to be. I'm in the process of going through some changes...not so easy changes, I might add. I've realized in order to reflect Christ character I need to spend more time in the word. Sadly, it is during my reading I have realized I fall short in so many different ways. Patience, kindness and love are so important in everyday life, with all we are in contact with.

Funny, we can be much more patient with a sales clerk, waitress, co-worker, and yet quick to anger and judge our own family members. One of the things I've been trying to work on is expressing more patience, kindness and love with my family. I must say, when I reflect His character I receive the greatest benefits.

Due to some health related issues, I've come to realize...I need to make some changes, NOW.
Thankfully, through the help of a very dear friend, the support of my husband, and our Lord, I've been able to start on a road to a new me. I've recently been reading a book by my friend Jill, Breaking Free Truths for Healthy Living. I've learned an awful lot from this book. She also has a website, if your interested go here.

Speaking of Jill, I would like to introduce you to her daughter Lexi. This dear sweet child has an agenda. Please click on the link on my side bar, Jumps 4 Joy and if you can help her cause that would be awesome.

55 Minutes

My friend Jill posted this video this morning to share with her readers. As I watched the video, I knew, I too would be sharing it with you.

Friends, family...there is nothing more important in this life than to know God, to know His love, to know His mercy, to know His kindness, compassion, desire, will for your life. To know your purpose.

Please, take just 55 minutes of your time to view this video and I hope you will have a greater understanding of God's love for you.

My prayer for you all is that once you've seen this video, you will want to spend the rest of your life getting to know our wonderful, loving creator...our Father in heaven. There is no greater love, than the love of God.

May you be richly blessed!