Broken Bones

My husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on May 26th. Since we had gone out to dinner the night before with friends to celebrate, we decided to do lunch on that day.

As we were driving around discussing what to do next, I felt the need just to return home. Actually, I needed a power nap. (Hey, it happens when we get older!) I suggested we go home, I would take a 30 minute nap, then we could do something with the kids.

When we arrived home, my thirteen year old wasn't home. When I asked his whereabouts, I was told he was outside skateboarding. Ummm! Didn't see him out front. I went upstairs for my nap. As I looked out the bedroom window, down a steep, long hill...I noticed a firetruck. For some reason, I said to myself, "I really hope that isn't for Alex." Yep, you guessed it...it was.

Before I could even get the covers on, my fifteen year old Emily, started to tell me Alex is down the hill, broken leg...she said more, but that is all I heard before I sprinted down the hill. As I got to the bottom of the hill, I saw my son strapped to a backboard, being lifted into the ambulance.

"Alex honey, it's mom." He began sobbing...mom!

I rode with him to the hospital. He is in shock...pale, shaking, groaning in pain, crying. As I held my sons hand and head, calmly talking to him in attempts to comfort him...I couldn't help but think...thank you Lord for bringing us home!

I have five children, my oldest is twenty-five. None have broken a bone till now. I have broken my wrist. When I hear my mom tell that story...it has everything to do with patience and my lack thereof. Now, my brother Scott on the other hand...many, many broken bones. I can remember as a child the anxiety felt as we sprinted home to tell my mom that Scott had crashed again off a bike or skateboard.

Here is what happened with Alex. As he was riding his scooter (not motorized) down the hill, he hit a shot gun shell. He began losing control, in attempts to stop he put his leg down... You know the rest.

While at the hospital, once he was medicated and leg set, he began telling me his perspective through tears. "Mom, I was so scared and felt so alone. My friend called 911, then out of no where this couple showed up...I really need to find them and thank them. The fire department arrived, then dad. Once I saw dad (he arrived first via car) I told the paramedics..."that's my dad" and started crying. I heard your voice and couldn't help but cry more...I was so glad you guys were there. I never want to be alone. I promise I will listen to you guys more. I love you!"

For those of you who are parents...you can understand how I felt. I was trying to be so brave, not shed a tear (that freaks them out, makes them think everything is much worse). My heart ached so bad. I just wanted to take away all the pain, fear and anxiety from my son. It doesn't matter if it is a broken bone, skinned knee, emotional anguish from a friends hurtful words, break up from a boy/girl friend, crushed spirit and on and on. I have two grown children, and my heart still aches for their pain. It never ends, no matter how young or old your children are...we still want to protect them and ease their pain.

As I write this, I can't help but imagine the intense pain God must have experienced as he watched his son be ridiculed by his people, nailed to the cross and heard his groans and cries on that cross. There was nothing God could do, but be with him while he suffered. I imagine he was holding his hand and head, comforting him with his promise. Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice so we all could be free.

Above is a photo of my son and his friend, Mike. I thank God for Mike. He called 911 and was trying to talk to Alex, holding his hand until someone else arrived so he could come get us. Thanks Mike!

Broken; Trust The Potter

Today, I am forty-eight. Yep, "I am special today, it's my birthday!" Why do we think that we have that written on our foreheads for everyone to see? Birthday's are special days...true? We all expect our days to be fantastic. I mean trumpets blowing, treated as a King or Queen, feel the earth move, and to have our day ended with extravagant fireworks displayed!


Actually, I have felt the earth move...since about 1 am we have had about 22 earthquakes. Don't worry, many have been less than a 2, with four being greater than a 3 with the highest being a 3.8. Believe me, living about 1-2 miles from several fault lines and living in a two story home...we feel it, but that is another blog.

I want to thank my dear friends Meghan and Angie for becoming a blogger. Meghan, I have known for years, and well, she wants everyone to blog. She is a fantastic friend and an inspirational person in more ways the one. She introduced me to Angie,  via blog. Angie is awesome and also extremely inspirational. I encourage you to check out her blog.  http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

One of Angie's blog post, encouraged you to break something and put it back together, listening to what the Lord would reveal to you.  Wow, what an amazing experience, healing. Have you ever felt so broken from a heartache, loneliness, failure, abandonment, disappointment, rejection, death of a loved one, regrets, bad decisions...and so on. So broken you just can't face another day...I have and it aches beyond repair. Is your heart in a million pieces?

Does it hurt just to breath?

Break something!

Now, put it back together.

I broke my plate on Thursday. At first, I sort of tossed it at the wall. It only broke in three pieces. Not good enough, so I threw it with all my might against the wall...shattered!

I gathered all my pieces and tried to put two together with my glue gun, which by the way, didn't work. The pieces wouldn't stick together. Trip to the store, purchased two different types of glue...lets try this again.

Much better, I was able to get the pieces together, but had to hold them FOREVER or the pieces would fall apart. Because the process of holding took so long, my plate wasn't completed till this morning.

During the days of working on this plate, I spent time listening to Country and Christian music, and talking to God. I told God how frustrated I was with how long this was taking because I had to hold the pieces for so long.

"Patience" He says.

I reminded Him that I am not the most patient person(as if He didn't already know). I am the child who always asked "are we there yet?" As I continued to glue pieces day after day, time began to fly by. Was I becoming patient?

Just like Angie, I too came face to face with all my mistakes,the disappointments,the sins of my life. I was so angry at myself for walking out on God, believing all that happened to me was His will. I had gotten to the point in my life where I just couldn't take anymore. I blamed God. I thought I was so faithful, and He didn't help me(at least not the way I expected). I quit, just shut down, gave up...I became so numb to life in order to just cope with life. Angela Thomas, in her book, Do You Think I'm Beautiful says: "You are teaching yourself not to feel anything, and in doing so, you're missing everything."

While working on my plate, I told God how sorry I was for leaving. I begged Him to help me get back to Him, to forgive me for blaming Him for all the broken pieces in my life. I don't want to miss everything!

As I looked at my finished plate I saw many broken pieces. There were holes in my plate where I couldn't find the pieces to fit.
Could I have put some pieces in the wrong place?

How am I going to fix it?

Where will I find the pieces?

How will I ever fill those holes in my plate, in my life!

My plate really isn't complete...my life full of holes, waiting to be filled.

Here is what God said to me:

Marylea, do you not see what I see? It is beautiful and so are you! Don't worry I have forgiven you, I have never left you. Don't try to fill the holes, let me do it....trust me! Bring it to me. I hear you, I always hear you...you must try to hear me. You are special today and everyday!

Do it...break something...trust the potter to help you rebuild.

Paul's prayer for the Ephesians were as follows:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. Ephesians 4:16-19

My Pastor today said something that reminded me how great Jesus love and sacrifice is.

"He ransomed his life so that I may be saved." Thank you Jesus!

You see, through my brokenness, God can do His best work! I've walked away from God for over 10 years, and upon my return, He ran to me with open arms. I am trying to grasp His love for me. Trying to understand Grace. For me, it's always been about what I can do to earn God's love. As a result, I've never felt I lived up. I believed, He was so disappointed that He abandoned me. In actuality, I abandoned Him.

I look forward to this journey back in the arms of Christ. I am nervous, fearful of the devils retaliation, and hopeful all at the same time. Thanks for joining me in this journey.

I should warn you...I am not the best writer...my husband says I have a tendency to write my thoughts, forgetting all about punctuation...forgive me.