A New Season

I've been thinking about Spring. It's all about new growth. Trees are full of beautiful blossoms of many different colors, my favorite...pink cherry blossoms. Flowers begin to break its way up from the earth below, reaching towards the warmth of the sun's rays. Tiny little leaves begin to emerge from shrubs and trees. All things made new again.

Yesterday was the start of a new season for both my daughter Emily and myself.

In seasons past, things were cold, dark, scary, stale.

As a young girl, Emily was so full of life. She soaked in everything, found joy in everything, loved to sing and dance. She had this long blond hair with curls on the end, her eye's as blue as the sky, she saw the beauty in everything. Her hair, now brown, her eye's still blue, but have darkened by the trials of her life. By the time she became a teen, I could no longer protect her from the stings of those who bullied her. As a result, in an attempt to protect her spirit, without faith, she turned toward the dark side.

She loves people, and always tries to be kind to others. So when girls were mean to her, at first, she just didn't understand. I tried to teach her to continue to be nice, but, girls are just mean! They would isolate her. When she came to join others for lunch, one would whisper something, and all would walk away, leaving her alone. They would befriend her, gossip about her, make up lies about her, gang up on her, shatter her spirit.

She tried hard to remain kind and loving, but eventually she broke. In an attempt to protect her spirit, she felt no choice but to become cold, she fell into darkness, hopelessness. Her life began to spiral downward, out of control, nothing I did would change her attitude or behavior. Nothing I said would change her...well except,"I don't like you!" She soon began to fear for her life (many threatened her). She lost all hope! She had no will to live or change. No seventeen year old should feel this way.

When Emily was little, I taught about kindness to others. Do unto others as you would want done to you. We went to church until she was six, then I walked away from God, taking my children with me.

Like Emily, I too fell into the darkness and hopelessness. God wasn't doing for me what I wanted Him to do, or quick enough. I felt He just wasn't answering my prayers. I felt He was punishing me. I felt He had abandoned me. I felt I could do things on my own. I could control my destiny and the destiny of my family.

For years, I made decisions I thought was best for all. Those decisions were what held us captive by darkness. Now, don't misunderstand here, I am not taking full responsibility for Emily's actions or choices. I'm simply saying...I feel I may have influenced them in some ways.

Hopeless, helpless, lost...I returned to God. Unfortunately, for over 10 years my children knew/know little about the God of Hope...the God of love....the God of forgiveness...the Grace of God.

Over the past year, I've tried to share my faith in God with my children, but they would have no part. This was so foreign to them, unimaginable.

Things became worse between Emily and I. Emily began getting into more and more trouble, losing more hope in life. She became stagnant, she had no will or desire to change. She felt unloved by me, betrayed by friends, uncertain of who she is, of the direction her life should be going...she was lost.

The Recovery program I've been attending, helped me see that I still was in control. I was trying to control her life. I knew what was best for her, all she needed to do was listen to me.

It was here, I also realized that she is God's child.

My favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord." Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I realized, that He declares this same promise to my daughter as well. He doesn't just state His promise, He declares His promise. Declare means to affirm or confirm. Now that's one powerful promise!

What did I need to do...SURRENDER!

Once I surrendered all my control, and I prayed "your will, not mine", great things began to happen. I was able to clearly see what God wanted me to do. I wasn't real thrilled with His will, I wanted to take back that control, but I didn't.


His plans...It was time to give Emily a new beginning, new growth, a new season. My oldest daughter lives in another State, she(and her husband) agreed to let Emily move in with her. Once my husband and I confirmed this was what God wanted, we started making preparations for Emily. An amazing thing began to happen...Emily's expressions became brighter, she was full of hope.

Emily left yesterday. I can't say I'm not sad. Actually, I'm an emotional wreck. For a while, I felt like I failed as her mother. I was ashamed by my negative feelings toward her. I was upset, that I couldn't finish raising her. The thing is...I really struggled with how negatively I had treated her. How I had given up on her. How in my mind, because she wouldn't listen to me, I was justifying my behavior towards her. I was afraid she didn't realize the depth of my love for her. The depth of our Heavenly Fathers love for her. Oh, how I want her to feel His love, to cling to His promise. God opened my eyes to see that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. That His works are truly wonderful. Through God's Grace, I realize, my mistakes are forgiven, we are both His daughters and loved by Him more than we will ever be able to comprehend.

While she was getting ready, something happened that gave me a sense of peace. She was singing again. Most importantly, she was singing "My God is Mighty to Save"
(My children have been listening!)


At the last minute I presented her with a gift from my husband and I, a cross. I explained to her, that when ever she is frightened or uncertain to hold on to the Cross and remember Jesus loves you. To realize that at the Cross, all sins are forgiven, because He loves us so. To trust in His promise, to pray for His guidance, to listen to His voice, to follow His light!

Yesterday, began a new season for both Emily and I. All things are made new!

I miss and love her so much it hurts. One thing for certain...God's love for her is much greater than mine...He is Mighty to Save!




Will you all please uplift Emily in prayer as she begins her new season.

Labor pains

I posted this on my private blog. Thought I'd share it with those of you here as well.
Just something I've been thinking about...

In the last few weeks God has been revealing a lot about me that is extremely, emotionally painful. I'm reminded of the labor(physical) pains a women goes through during the birth process.

I've had the privilege of being present during the birth of my grandchildren. I remember my daughter while in labor with my granddaughter and grandson, she would often call out to me for comfort..."mom, it hurts!"..."I know honey, it's almost over...you can do it...I love you!" As I watched my daughter-in-law, breathe through each contraction, she was very focused...she was on a mission.

They say you soon forget the pains of labor, not I...that was one of the most excruciating physical pains I've ever had to endure, but well worth it. How did I get through it? I knew what the outcome would be...a miracle, a new life.

I've been taught God gave Eve the pains of labor as a result of her sin. I wonder if the real purpose of labor, is to show us through pain the beauty of the end results...the birth of one of His children. To realize, that sometimes good things, great things, glorious things, come out of our pain.

Where do the dad's fit in all of this, you can feel their emotion by looking into their faces. They wish they could take away the pain, could bear the pain...all they can do is ofter encouraging words, a comforting touch. We simply can not bear the burdens of each others pain. We can ofter our love and prayers, trusting God will see them through.

I've recently reread of Christ death on the cross. I can't imagine the intense physical and emotional agony He must have felt. Physically being nailed to the cross. Only He carried the burdens, the sin of all men. Imagine what our Heavenly Father must have experienced when His Son called out to Him. How painful that must have been for God to watch. All for a purpose, one that is so difficult for many of us to comprehend. Our redemption!

As painful as my brokenness feels right now, I believe that like the birth of a child...beauty, love, joy, and grace will be the outcome. God is using my brokenness for His glory. All I have to do is focus and trust He will carry me.

The Wonder Years

It's official, as of August 22, 2009, I now have three teenagers. It's so hard to believe that the only babies in my life now are my precious grandchildren.

When I was pregnant with my oldest (now 26 with two children of her own), one song in particular was always on my mind...The Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. I remember saying to myself..."I am not going to be like that!" I didn't want to miss out on anything. I want to always have a bonding relationship with my children.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

I remember very clearly the day all of my children were born. I truly was in awe over how fearfully and wonderfully made each one of them where. But most importantly, I was honored that God blessed me with the opportunity to raise His children.

Sad but true, as time went on...there were bills to pay, lessons to study, a house to clean, meals to prepare, and many "not today, I got a lot to do." Yes, there were things I missed out on, but thank goodness, it's only a few things. I may not have been diligent about writing in their baby books, but I remember the first of everything, just like it was yesterday.

As my youngest was approaching his 13th birthday, I spent a lot of time reminiscing over my teenage years. They truly were the wonder years. I remember how overwhelmed I would feel at times. I've been doing a lot of listening to my teens lately...and you know what...they wonder the same things I did.

Will my friends accept me?

Am I pretty/good looking?

Am I smart enough?

Why does God let people suffer?

Why doesn't he/she like me?

Are my parents proud of me?

Why don't my parents like me?

Why do my parents constantly nag me?

What am I going to do when I grow up?

Should I have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Should I have sex?

Should I drink, do drugs?

Where should I work?

You all know the list goes on and on...the wonder years!

Something I realized as a parent to teenagers, I too am again in the wonder years.

I wonder...

Did I instill good moral values in my children?

Do they understand God's grace?

Will they make the right decisions?

What will they be when they grow up?

Will they say "no" to sex, to drugs and drinking?

Will they be strong under peer pressure?

Will they stand firm in their faith?

Did I represent Christ character when raising them?

Why don't they like me?

Will they trust God's promises for their life?

The list goes on and on...the wonder years.

It won't be long and I will be writing about the "empty nest syndrome." For now...I plan on enjoying the wonder years...cause I don't wanna miss a thing!

Many of you know, I already have two grown children, with children of their own. I am so proud of both of them. They are truly remarkable people. I am happy to say, they both are my closest and dearest friends. They live in different States, but we speak to each other almost daily.

Each and everyone of my children, created by the Almighty, are unique in there own way with their own style and quirks. As I've watched them grow, I am amazed at how God has a plan for all of us...no two plans are alike. I pray they will listen to His voice, always have faith, hold fast to His word and trust His promises.

I am richly blessed!