A New Season

I've been thinking about Spring. It's all about new growth. Trees are full of beautiful blossoms of many different colors, my favorite...pink cherry blossoms. Flowers begin to break its way up from the earth below, reaching towards the warmth of the sun's rays. Tiny little leaves begin to emerge from shrubs and trees. All things made new again.

Yesterday was the start of a new season for both my daughter Emily and myself.

In seasons past, things were cold, dark, scary, stale.

As a young girl, Emily was so full of life. She soaked in everything, found joy in everything, loved to sing and dance. She had this long blond hair with curls on the end, her eye's as blue as the sky, she saw the beauty in everything. Her hair, now brown, her eye's still blue, but have darkened by the trials of her life. By the time she became a teen, I could no longer protect her from the stings of those who bullied her. As a result, in an attempt to protect her spirit, without faith, she turned toward the dark side.

She loves people, and always tries to be kind to others. So when girls were mean to her, at first, she just didn't understand. I tried to teach her to continue to be nice, but, girls are just mean! They would isolate her. When she came to join others for lunch, one would whisper something, and all would walk away, leaving her alone. They would befriend her, gossip about her, make up lies about her, gang up on her, shatter her spirit.

She tried hard to remain kind and loving, but eventually she broke. In an attempt to protect her spirit, she felt no choice but to become cold, she fell into darkness, hopelessness. Her life began to spiral downward, out of control, nothing I did would change her attitude or behavior. Nothing I said would change her...well except,"I don't like you!" She soon began to fear for her life (many threatened her). She lost all hope! She had no will to live or change. No seventeen year old should feel this way.

When Emily was little, I taught about kindness to others. Do unto others as you would want done to you. We went to church until she was six, then I walked away from God, taking my children with me.

Like Emily, I too fell into the darkness and hopelessness. God wasn't doing for me what I wanted Him to do, or quick enough. I felt He just wasn't answering my prayers. I felt He was punishing me. I felt He had abandoned me. I felt I could do things on my own. I could control my destiny and the destiny of my family.

For years, I made decisions I thought was best for all. Those decisions were what held us captive by darkness. Now, don't misunderstand here, I am not taking full responsibility for Emily's actions or choices. I'm simply saying...I feel I may have influenced them in some ways.

Hopeless, helpless, lost...I returned to God. Unfortunately, for over 10 years my children knew/know little about the God of Hope...the God of love....the God of forgiveness...the Grace of God.

Over the past year, I've tried to share my faith in God with my children, but they would have no part. This was so foreign to them, unimaginable.

Things became worse between Emily and I. Emily began getting into more and more trouble, losing more hope in life. She became stagnant, she had no will or desire to change. She felt unloved by me, betrayed by friends, uncertain of who she is, of the direction her life should be going...she was lost.

The Recovery program I've been attending, helped me see that I still was in control. I was trying to control her life. I knew what was best for her, all she needed to do was listen to me.

It was here, I also realized that she is God's child.

My favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord." Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I realized, that He declares this same promise to my daughter as well. He doesn't just state His promise, He declares His promise. Declare means to affirm or confirm. Now that's one powerful promise!

What did I need to do...SURRENDER!

Once I surrendered all my control, and I prayed "your will, not mine", great things began to happen. I was able to clearly see what God wanted me to do. I wasn't real thrilled with His will, I wanted to take back that control, but I didn't.


His plans...It was time to give Emily a new beginning, new growth, a new season. My oldest daughter lives in another State, she(and her husband) agreed to let Emily move in with her. Once my husband and I confirmed this was what God wanted, we started making preparations for Emily. An amazing thing began to happen...Emily's expressions became brighter, she was full of hope.

Emily left yesterday. I can't say I'm not sad. Actually, I'm an emotional wreck. For a while, I felt like I failed as her mother. I was ashamed by my negative feelings toward her. I was upset, that I couldn't finish raising her. The thing is...I really struggled with how negatively I had treated her. How I had given up on her. How in my mind, because she wouldn't listen to me, I was justifying my behavior towards her. I was afraid she didn't realize the depth of my love for her. The depth of our Heavenly Fathers love for her. Oh, how I want her to feel His love, to cling to His promise. God opened my eyes to see that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. That His works are truly wonderful. Through God's Grace, I realize, my mistakes are forgiven, we are both His daughters and loved by Him more than we will ever be able to comprehend.

While she was getting ready, something happened that gave me a sense of peace. She was singing again. Most importantly, she was singing "My God is Mighty to Save"
(My children have been listening!)


At the last minute I presented her with a gift from my husband and I, a cross. I explained to her, that when ever she is frightened or uncertain to hold on to the Cross and remember Jesus loves you. To realize that at the Cross, all sins are forgiven, because He loves us so. To trust in His promise, to pray for His guidance, to listen to His voice, to follow His light!

Yesterday, began a new season for both Emily and I. All things are made new!

I miss and love her so much it hurts. One thing for certain...God's love for her is much greater than mine...He is Mighty to Save!




Will you all please uplift Emily in prayer as she begins her new season.