I am broken...Part 2

I spent quite a bit of time this morning reading the bible and have made some incredible discovery's.

First, I want to spend some time discussing depression, and how difficult it can be to overcome. There are some of you out there who have occasionally suffered from depression, and may have been feeling a little down for a day or two. Anyone who suffers from chronic depression always describes it the same way..."the darkness," an intense depth of despair. It is here where we judge and punish ourselves. There isn't any horrific life circumstance that takes us there...we just end up there, and have no idea why.

We become held captive to what we consider our "fallen life" and ultimately, we are the darkness. Occasionally, we will reach out to others, but many times not. For those who have never experienced it, you don't know what to say. You tell us it will be okay, you're here for us, it will pass, your life is what you make of it, and finally... just snap out of it. My friends, I wish it were that simple. Unfortunately, we judge and punish ourselves more, simply because we failed to get out... for you, for us.

When I picked up my bible this morning, I began to search out scripture on darkness. What I found is that where there is darkness...there is light. In almost every reference, the darkness is Satan... the light is God, the word of God, or Jesus our Savior. And then, I read: I have become like broken pottery. Psalms 31:12.

Hmmm! Who put me in this depression?... Satan. His pursuit began the moment I started to repair my broken pottery, spending time with the Lord, trying to cling to Him. I became of great concern to Satan. You see, for a long time I had walked along the edge of that pit of despair. As soon as I began moving farther from that edge and closer to God, a once concern for Satan, was now a threat. The only thing left for him to do was throw me into that pit. Satan's attack was hard and strong. Day and night he kept at it until, I stumbled and fell. I just couldn't take it anymore. So exhausted from the struggle, I just gave in.

The entire time I was trying to get closer to the Lord, Satan was carefully planning his attack. He knew the secrets of my past, he knew of my deep wounds and resentments, he knew of my guilt and shame, and now, he was going to use them against me. I had chosen to be distant from God for such a long time...making Satan victorious. And now, he was not going to be defeated. He had a hold of me many times before and was determined to capture me again. The closer my relationship with God, the harder he fought, until... "the darkness."
But where there is darkness...there is light!

A Prayer: To you, O Lord, I called:
to the Lord I cried for mercy"
"What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me:
O Lord, be my help."
Psalms 30:8-10

The Rescue: He reached down from on high and
took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
2Samuel 22:17-20

His Love: Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
Psalms 31:16

The Light: "I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will never walk in
darkness, but will have the light of life."
John 8:12

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.
Psalms 119:105

In both the old and new testament, we read about this battle between the darkness and light. This darkness goes back to the beginning of creation, and will continue. Did scripture not speak to me today...Wow! Slowly, I am coming up to breathe. I will be on my toes, constantly looking over my shoulder...for I know he is near. He will attack again. What do I do now...I cling to Christ and his word.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

My battle is not over. I have but one request. Pray that the Lord be my light. Pray that I cleave to the Father and not let Satan bind me to this pit of despair. Help me keep my eyes upon Jesus.