Perfectionism- A Stronghold

I have received many messages and prayers from those I love deeply and others whom I have never met. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your prayers. As a result, I have truly felt God's presence in my life and heart.

I have been spending a lot of time in scripture and a few awesome books. One book in particular by Charles Stanley, Source of My Strength, has helped me believe that I can do all things through Jesus Christ.

As I reflect on my life, the times that I felt safe, is when Jesus was the center of my life. Unfortunately, because of influences in this world and my own destructive thinking, I pulled away from Him and tried to control my life. What I have realized, is from the moment God created me, He had plans for me. Living in this fallen world, I will never be without struggles and temptation, and only through Him will I survive. I can get angry, frustrated, yell, or blame God for what happens in my life..it's okay...He can handle it, for He knows that in the end it will draw me closer to Him...all I need to do, is trust. And when I stumble or sin, God has made provisions for that...I have an advocate, Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8. His sacrifice on the cross is all the provisions I need to rid me of my guilt and sin. It is through Jesus, I become adequate in the eyes of the Lord...that's all that matters.

My most debilitating stronghold, is that of perfectionism. For all my life I have constantly pushed myself and others to be perfect, in attempt to control my life, to control others. I needed to succeed at all cost, which ultimately lead to my exhaustion and inability to cope with life. I had come to define myself by how perfect my life was, getting A's through college, how clean my house was, how much money I saved, how well behaved my children were, taking on more than I could handle, and never admitting I couldn't handle it. It was important that I was recognized by others by my works. Their praise and approval made me feel worthy...valuable.

Not only did my perfectionism ultimately destroy me, it destroyed those I love dearly. I never expected anything from anyone that I didn't expect from myself. I am ashamed at how much pressure I have put on my children, my husband and my family, to live up to my expectations. Nothing was ever good enough. Ultimately, I crushed their spirits and caused them to feel like failures. That just breaks my heart. I have realized, that what I say to my children and spouse has a huge impact on the way they see themselves. God made me see how important it is to build up my family. To see through His eyes, that we are of His perfection.

I've been so exhausted over the last few weeks. At first, I couldn't sleep, my mind was still focused on how I could be perfect. How I can change and control things in my life. I continued to play the tape over and over in my mind, of how important is was to be perfect at everything. As I read His word, and prayed, God gave me rest. I slept, prayed and read scripture. I turned my eyes and my heart fully to Jesus. I realized, I can't change anything...only He can. I realized, by trying to be perfect, I was telling God that I wasn't happy with how He made me. Jesus says to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2Corinthians 12:9.

My weakness showed me how Christ can strengthen me. My weakness provided the opportunity to restore my faith and love in Christ. I cannot do anything on my own. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. I no longer have to struggle to be perfect, God doesn't expect me to be perfect...He just wants me to have a relationship with Him and trust He will do the rest. Isn't that awesome!

To rest in the comfort of the loving arms of my heavenly Father, brings me peace. I want to bring everything to Him. He loves me and wants the best for me. However; I must realize, it is on His time not mine...another stronghold.

As I pray daily, asking God to show me what is His will for my life, I am comforted. I know, at times I may stumble and fall, but He is there to pick me up every single time. He gives me grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing. He meets me where ever I am. God's love for me is more than I can imagine. His love for you is greater than you will ever understand. A love so great, He sent His son to sacrifice His life so that we may be saved, have eternal life. I am resting in the arms of Jesus.

I pray for myself and those who struggle with perfectionism. Lord, we cannot control our lives, only you can. Heal us from the inside out. Teach us to live our lives through your eyes, mold and guide us to be what you created us to be. I give you my life.