No more sorrow, no more pain...

A few weeks ago I asked for your prayers for a very special little guy. Early this morning he went to his heavenly home.

I thought yesterday was going to be like every other day at work...I would get to cuddle with this cutie, watch him as he would bat at his little mobile, and try my best to get a giggle out of him. Although he didn't giggle, he had this toothless grin that warmed my heart. He would smile from the corner of his mouth, and often smacked his tongue as he tried to imitate my kisses.

When I arrived at work and saw how this little guy look...I just knew things weren't right. I tried my best to be the "nurse," but all the while my heart was hurting.

It was a long twelve hours involving lab work, cool baths to bring down his temperature, holding, singing...praying. No smiles for me this day, just a quiet calm stare. He was awake the entire shift, but looked so tired. Even a visit from his mom couldn't bring on a smile(he always smiles for her), just this look.

It was very difficult for me to leave at the end of my shift. I felt like I had more to do for him, but had no idea what that would be, as I knew he was in good hands. I asked to be called if anything should happen. (As a nurse in the NICU, you sometime just can't leave your work behind). On my drive home I prayed...Heavenly Father, please give this little guy some rest. He looks so weary and tired. At the same time, one of my favorite songs, I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin was playing on the radio.

That night as I tried to sleep, the same song was playing over and over again in my head. I woke before 1am with those lyrics running through my mind. The phone rang shortly after 1 with the news...I just couldn't believe it, another little NICU boy I have grown to love has gone to heaven.

Immediately after Ricky's death I felt such anger at God...why didn't you do something? When I got the news of this little guy early this am, I felt the same way. Wiping my tears, I got dressed and headed down to the hospital to say goodbye. On my drive the same song was playing. As I heard the words...

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

I suddenly had my answer...

As I held, rocked, and hummed this song to this little guy, I realized for him there will be No more sorrow, no more pain. He has risen on eagles wings.

I will miss him terribly, but I know together with Ricky they are singing praises with the angels.

I thank all of you for your prayers, if you would continue to pray for the family and the staff in our NICU, I would greatly appreciate it. I also want to take a moment to mention how wonderful it is to work with such a great crew. So many have been touched by this little guys life, not just the nurses...the respiratory therapist, the unit clerks, the volunteers, the housekeepers, and even the other families who have caught a glimpse of that grin.

I wish I knew how to download the song from You Tube...can't figure it out.
Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI

The Wonder of Birth

My friend Michelle stopped by work yesterday, with good news to report. Both her and baby, Faith are doing very well. You could see the joy in her face...that of a mother with child.

As Christmas approaches, I've been thinking about the birth and life of Christ in a different light. Seeing the "pregnancy glow" on Michelle's face made me wonder...

How much did Mary's face glow?

I remember visiting Michelle while she was in the hospital in preterm labor. The fear and tears for her unborn daughter also made me think...

Did Mary and Joseph understand the depth of Jesus life and His sacrifice for mankind?

Working as a NICU nurse, you can read so many emotions on a parents face. Some of those emotions, take me back to when all my children were born. I was in awe! A miracle!

Mary, the mother of Jesus must have been experiencing the same things, and more.

After having children, my recall of Christ birth is different than when I was a child. I can't imagine delivering a baby in a barn, I would have been terrified. I'm certain Mary was calm, knowing God had everything carefully planned.

When I heard my babies first cry...relief!

I wonder what Mary thought when she heard the cry of Jesus.

As I found myself staring at my new born, I had such hopes and dreams for them. I wondered...what will their future hold?

Did Mary fear for the future of her Son? As a mother, did she somehow have the urge to plea with God to change His plans for Jesus?

My friend Michelle is no doubt counting and recording the weeks of her daughter's progress. Depending on when she is born, Michelle will record the little things she does...first steps, first words...

In the Bible we read about Christ first visit to the Temple, His baptism, His teachings, His love, His miracles performed, His faith, His death...

As a mother, somehow I can't help but wonder what Mary was thinking/feeling as she silently recorded these events to her memory.

I am amazed at the faith, trust and hope of Mary and others I read about in the Bible. I too want to live that way. In our fallen nature it's so darn hard at times.

This year as Christmas approaches and the year comes to an end...I feel so blessed!
I have an amazing group of friends and family. I am also drawing closer to Him. It's good to know that even when I fail, and yes, sin...He continues to forgive and draw me closer to Him.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
-Luke 2;10-14

May you all have a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Cast all your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7

Many of you have been so faithful by joining me in prayer for many of my dear family and friends. Earlier this year I asked for your prayers for my dear friend, Arianna. She has now started a blog about her journey with breast cancer, you can read about it here. Your prayers meant so much to her as she fought a tough battle. They also meant so much to me. Thank you for your faithfullness

As this year comes to a close I have several prayer request. My first, is for another dear friend and co-worker, Michelle. She is approaching her 24th week of her pregnancy (age of viability) with many complications. Being a NICU nurse, she is faced with many difficult thoughts, decisions, and emotions. She is very generous at heart, always extending a helping hand to anyone in need. Now on bed rest, she needs our prayers for a continued pregnancy and delivery of her little girl. She too has started a blog, please stop by and let her know you're praying for her.

My second prayer request is for a little guy I've become quite fond of. He is a patient in the NICU where I work.

He reminds me a lot of this little man

This new little guy, who has captured my heart has been in the NICU for eight months. For confidentiality reasons I can not disclose his name or the reason why he is in our unit. I can tell you, he has had a difficult life for such a little guy. Sometimes even caring for him is so hard.

Recently, he's been facing some really tough times. Usually I can get a smile out of him, but lately, his smiles have been few and far between, and it breaks my heart. When I'm working, I find I just can't get enough of this little guy. When I'm home...I miss him and wonder how he's doing.

This is the part of my job that is extremely difficult, so hard not to bring home. You question why someone so small, just starting out in life, suffers so much. I want to fix him, I want him to go home with his family. I'm counting on my faith, knowing the Lord always sees us through difficult times.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Would you please join me in prayer for him and Michelle.

Change can be a good thing

For years, six to be exact, I have been "peri menopausal."

It goes something like this:

Jacket/sweater on, hair down...jacket/sweater off, hair up.

Why doesn't anyone care about me (*sniff*), Oh, you guys are so sweet.

Happy, sad...happy, sad...happy, sad...all within one minute! Whew!

Can't sleep, hot flash, blanket off, sweaty, freezing, blanket on...repeat!!!


It's 15 degree's out, all the windows are open, fan on above my bed and a floor fan directly facing me. My husband is fully dressed for bed in his winter ski outfit, including hat and gloves, while I'm in shorts and a t-shirt.

Uh...I know who you are, um...my boss...what was your name again? Jeez, I've got early Alzheimers!

I think you have the general idea. I have been going CrAzY! I'm sure if you ask my family, they would say something that sounds like..."you're going cRaZy, do you have any idea what you're putting us through!"

Dear Lord, I understand you're trying to prepare me for a new phase of my life, but this is a bit extreme, don't you think?! Can you just cool it down a notch! And the emotional bondage..ughh!

Peri menopause- the transition period before menopause, usually lasting 1-3 years. Hello, it's been six for me!! Your cycle is irregular, you can't sleep, your memory is shot, you're extremely emotional, and you feel like your going crazy. You are considered menopausal when you don't have a cycle for one year, and yes you still suffer with the above! Nice!

I could have anywhere from 10-20 hot flashes an hour to over 100 in any given day. I was taking bio-identical hormones, with little results. In January, my doctor suggested I try a different medication, this would be my fourth. After a brief trial period and no difference, I decided something had to change.

After doing some research, and reading a book and blog of a dear friend, I decided it was time to kick it up a notch. Overall my health was fair, not great. I wanted to feel better, have more clarity, and look better. You know...turn some heads!

I have done this diet and that, worked out here and there, but never consistent. In June I turned 49, it hit me, "Yikes! I'm getting old!" I felt like time is really, really catching up to me. I have five children, three still at home, and two grown children with children of their own. I'm a grandmother, and I want to live to enjoy all my children and my grandchildren.

I began to make some subtle changes. I quit taking all medications, and cut out caffeine. This took about a two week period. The side effects coupled with those hormonal issues, made me very unpleasant! In July we went to Disneyland and upon our return, I suffered miserably with extreme edema in my lower extremities. That's when I new it was time for a change!

Slowly, I started changing my diet. I began eating more raw and vegetarian dishes, trying to stay away from meat, dairy, wheat, sugar, processed food, anything packaged with something I can't pronounce, and glutton. After reading Jill's book and doing much research, I was prepared to start on my journey of change. However, I was terrified I wouldn't receive the support from my husband, and hence this would be another unsuccessful attempt. After praying about it and sharing my thoughts with my husband, to my surprise, he wanted to join me in this new change.

On July 6th my husband and I did the Master Cleanse with careful guidance from my dear friend, Jill. We did the cleanse for seven days, followed by juicing for five. Then our diet consisted of mostly, fresh green juice or green smoothie in the morning, then eating raw or semi-vegan diet for the most part. I can't say we are true vegans, as we eat fish, always fresh and wild, usually once a week. We do have cooked meals. Occasionally I will make tofu, soups and chili. Right now we are having a blast experimenting with foods. I really am enjoying creating in the kitchen. We have occasionally had some chicken and other foods(dairy, yeast, glutton). Our body reacted negatively to these foods and we suffered greatly, from stomach problems to head aches. As a result, we realized how bad some foods really made us feel. On Thanksgiving, my 15 year old son (a chef in training) decided to make the entire meal. Yes, we did have some turkey, but he also prepared plenty of fresh vegetables for us to eat.

As for my children...well, it's been tough. There are some things they will eat, other things they will not touch. And you know what, that's okay. Unfortunately, I created bad eating habits in them, and it will take a while for them to accept our change. I don't want to force the issue on them, I want them to see for themselves. After all, they are not me! They love fresh green smoothies, so were one step ahead of the game. Since I home school my children, as an elective I'm teaching about nutrition.

My husband has lost over 30 pounds and I over 20 pounds. We both have more energy and feel great. As for my hot flashes, I may have five a day and still no medication. We both have recieved great compliments, "you've lost so much weight." " Your skin looks great." "You're glowing." I plan on starting an exercise program come the first of the year, starting by getting back on my treadmill and walking.

Now, I am not in any way saying that if you make these changes, you too will have the same results. I'm just sharing my story. Nor am I suggesting that you become a vegan or start eating raw foods, again it's a personal choice. What I would suggest...you investigate things for yourself. Pray about it and ask the Lord to show you what is best for you. We recently watched Food Inc., great movie. I highly recommend it, and no...I don't believe watching the movie will make you a vegetarian. But it will heighten your awareness of what you are eating.

Before

One month later

two months later

October

Chili with cashews as a sour cream

Taco salad with walnuts as taco meat, homemade guacamole,

salsa and chips from a spelt tortilla

Jicama salad with avocado instead of mayonnaise

Cauliflower red coconut curry soup

Raw chocolate cake

Made with walnuts, dates and some raw cocoa.

Drizzled with homemade chocolate and vanilla cream sauce.
Chocolate sauce is made from raw cocoa and agave.

The vanilla sauce is cashews, agave and vanilla.
My husbands favorite..he loves chocolate!

Chocolate cheesecake with mint ganache.

All raw, no eggs, flour or dairy.

Excellent for the holidays!

I also make homemade hummus at least once a week, used to dip all our vegetables as well as a spread on our sandwich. I really am having a blast in the kitchen. Cooking has taken on a very different perspective.

As my dear friend Jill says: "I now eat to live, not live to eat!"