No more sorrow, no more pain...

A few weeks ago I asked for your prayers for a very special little guy. Early this morning he went to his heavenly home.

I thought yesterday was going to be like every other day at work...I would get to cuddle with this cutie, watch him as he would bat at his little mobile, and try my best to get a giggle out of him. Although he didn't giggle, he had this toothless grin that warmed my heart. He would smile from the corner of his mouth, and often smacked his tongue as he tried to imitate my kisses.

When I arrived at work and saw how this little guy look...I just knew things weren't right. I tried my best to be the "nurse," but all the while my heart was hurting.

It was a long twelve hours involving lab work, cool baths to bring down his temperature, holding, singing...praying. No smiles for me this day, just a quiet calm stare. He was awake the entire shift, but looked so tired. Even a visit from his mom couldn't bring on a smile(he always smiles for her), just this look.

It was very difficult for me to leave at the end of my shift. I felt like I had more to do for him, but had no idea what that would be, as I knew he was in good hands. I asked to be called if anything should happen. (As a nurse in the NICU, you sometime just can't leave your work behind). On my drive home I prayed...Heavenly Father, please give this little guy some rest. He looks so weary and tired. At the same time, one of my favorite songs, I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin was playing on the radio.

That night as I tried to sleep, the same song was playing over and over again in my head. I woke before 1am with those lyrics running through my mind. The phone rang shortly after 1 with the news...I just couldn't believe it, another little NICU boy I have grown to love has gone to heaven.

Immediately after Ricky's death I felt such anger at God...why didn't you do something? When I got the news of this little guy early this am, I felt the same way. Wiping my tears, I got dressed and headed down to the hospital to say goodbye. On my drive the same song was playing. As I heard the words...

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

I suddenly had my answer...

As I held, rocked, and hummed this song to this little guy, I realized for him there will be No more sorrow, no more pain. He has risen on eagles wings.

I will miss him terribly, but I know together with Ricky they are singing praises with the angels.

I thank all of you for your prayers, if you would continue to pray for the family and the staff in our NICU, I would greatly appreciate it. I also want to take a moment to mention how wonderful it is to work with such a great crew. So many have been touched by this little guys life, not just the nurses...the respiratory therapist, the unit clerks, the volunteers, the housekeepers, and even the other families who have caught a glimpse of that grin.

I wish I knew how to download the song from You Tube...can't figure it out.
Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI

Cast all your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7

Many of you have been so faithful by joining me in prayer for many of my dear family and friends. Earlier this year I asked for your prayers for my dear friend, Arianna. She has now started a blog about her journey with breast cancer, you can read about it here. Your prayers meant so much to her as she fought a tough battle. They also meant so much to me. Thank you for your faithfullness

As this year comes to a close I have several prayer request. My first, is for another dear friend and co-worker, Michelle. She is approaching her 24th week of her pregnancy (age of viability) with many complications. Being a NICU nurse, she is faced with many difficult thoughts, decisions, and emotions. She is very generous at heart, always extending a helping hand to anyone in need. Now on bed rest, she needs our prayers for a continued pregnancy and delivery of her little girl. She too has started a blog, please stop by and let her know you're praying for her.

My second prayer request is for a little guy I've become quite fond of. He is a patient in the NICU where I work.

He reminds me a lot of this little man

This new little guy, who has captured my heart has been in the NICU for eight months. For confidentiality reasons I can not disclose his name or the reason why he is in our unit. I can tell you, he has had a difficult life for such a little guy. Sometimes even caring for him is so hard.

Recently, he's been facing some really tough times. Usually I can get a smile out of him, but lately, his smiles have been few and far between, and it breaks my heart. When I'm working, I find I just can't get enough of this little guy. When I'm home...I miss him and wonder how he's doing.

This is the part of my job that is extremely difficult, so hard not to bring home. You question why someone so small, just starting out in life, suffers so much. I want to fix him, I want him to go home with his family. I'm counting on my faith, knowing the Lord always sees us through difficult times.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Would you please join me in prayer for him and Michelle.

A Precious Life

~~~Update~~~
To read more about this special day go to Meghan and Carrie's blog.
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Today is the anniversary of Ricky's death. His foster mom, Meghan is here with her family. Truthfully, she was the only mother he ever knew. Yesterday at the hospital we had a dedication ceremony of the memorial bench placed outside the hospital a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I brought my camera, but forgot the batteries. I'll post some pictures later when I get some from Meghan.

It was a beautiful ceremony. Many nurses, respiratory therapist, Meghan's family and close friends were in attendance. Prayers and memories spoken were touching. Many, many tears were shed. As a final tribute we all set of balloons in his honor. Watching them float away, I wondered...could they reach heaven?

This precious little boy touched the hearts of all of us in the NICU, as well of hundreds of people through his website. For all in the NICU Ricky wasn't just your ordinary patient. He spent seven months in our unit, and we grew to love him as one of our own. If you weren't is primary nurse for the day or night, you always stopped by his crib to see his beautiful brown eyes and his toothless grin. We all sang to him, read him stories, and some even watched cartoons with him in the morning. Both day and night someone often rock him to sleep.

The doctors were soon running out of reasons for him to stay, which meant...foster care. Meghan, bless her heart, quickly got approved for her foster care license, and Ricky had a new home. She kept us all informed of his progress via his website and frequent phone calls. He was often admitted back in the hospital with complications. When he was in pediatrics at our hospital we all would visit.

His numerous medical complications began to take its toll on the little guy, ultimately causing his death. What a brave little solider he was. So much suffering for such a little baby.

Anticipating the dedication ceremony, I was consumed with my thoughts. God gives life and he brings it back to Him. What troubled me is understanding "why" He takes the life of an infant, or child loved by so many. I don't understand "why," Ricky, this precious little baby, had to endure so much suffering. Perhaps God couldn't stand to see Ricky suffer, or any other suffer, so He brings them home. After all, isn't our eternal life with God what we yearn for? Freedom from all our pain and suffering here on earth...a life of nothing but pure glory with our Heavenly Father.

Being a NICU nurse I still struggle with understanding the death of a baby. The pain and agony the family goes through just breaks my heart. The one thing that brings me peace is knowing and believing that they are now able to live an eternity with God.

I've realized how precious our life here on earth is, no matter how short. God breathed life into all of us for His purpose. Ricky's purpose in life, touched each and everyone of us differently. Ultimately, we are all truly blessed to have known him. I wonder if he knows how much he touched our lives.

Waking up from a nap.

Seriously people, another test?!

Cutie!

Happy Birthday!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalms 23:4-6

Sweet Ricky- A Brave Little Man

Ricky's bench finally found its home in front of the Hospital. I hadn't actually seen the bench, as it was put in place last week while I was off. Last night was my first night back to work. I must admit, I was a little choked up driving to work anticipating how I would feel upon my first glance of the bench. It's beautiful, what a tribute to our little guy. Yep, I cried. Tears of joy and tears of saddness.

This little guy meant so much to many of us in the NICU. His eyes and smile just warmed your heart. His suffering on earth, broke your heart. I am saddened by his loss, for I miss him so. I am joyful, there is no more pain for this precious little boy. I can imagine his eyes wide with amazement as he witnesses the glory of Heaven. No more peaking through the bars of a hospital bed.

My dear friend Meghan was his foster mom. She gave this little guy so much love and shared so much of the beauty in this world with him during his short time here. As a mother, she also shared his pain, as well as the pain a mother feels when she loses a child. She created a beautiful website which records her journey with him. His life impacted many people, his legacy continues.

We love you little guy!