I'm troubled

Yesterday a friend of mine posted the video below on Facebook. As I watched, tears streamed down my cheeks. I saw myself in this video.

I grew up in a Christian home, yet I didn't know the Lord. Many family members prayed diligently to Him and believed in Him with their heart and soul. Yet, for me, I saw the Lord as someone who had high expectations of me I knew I could never meet. I thought He was this big eye in the sky watching every move I made, frowning upon me, turning His back on me. I would pray for Him to give me the desires of my heart...nothing. I just couldn't fully trust this great and powerful being, so why bother. It wasn't until just recently, I came to know the Lord, my God, my Savior. You can read about it here.

As I watched this video, I was reminded how easy we fall pray to the enemy. Every aspect of this video was and at times, still is my life. It was here, Satan, knowing my lack of knowledge and trust in the Lord, held me captive. So much so, that at one point in my teen years I tried to take my life. I was so desperate for acceptance, that I was willing to do anything. I decided to take the wide road because it was easier. I fell under the pressures of peers, men, alcohol, drugs, all which lead to depression. I wanted what I wanted and pursued those desires eventually making them my idols. I am so thankful that the Lord never leaves or forsakes us. I was once lost but, now I am found.

What troubles me...so many, young and old, don't know the Lord. Or, like me, they don't understand the desires of His heart. We are called as Christians, to share with those who don't know, or who have wondered away from the Lord, about His unconditional love, His grace, His sacrifice. By sharing our testimony about the Lord with others, one person may come to know Him...Amen!

I have two grown children and three teens. Sadly, because of my past belief, during their younger years, I never spoke of the Lord's love for me, for them. I'm troubled that they too may be held captive by the enemy. I'm sharing my love for the Lord with them now, I pray for them, but ultimately, they must believe and trust in Him.

I'm troubled as I think of the many who are smoothered by what they believe will make them happy. By those who fail to see the Lord standing on the side lines of their lives reaching out to them. Toubled that many will never run to His arms. Troubled for those who believe the Lord is the cause of their pain. Troubled for those who don't know the truth.
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, He SAVED me. Psalm 115:5-6

I have a request, would you take time to pray for those who don't yet know or trust the Lord. For the many that are trapped by the devil's grip.



But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Have a safe and blessed 4th.

No more sorrow, no more pain...

A few weeks ago I asked for your prayers for a very special little guy. Early this morning he went to his heavenly home.

I thought yesterday was going to be like every other day at work...I would get to cuddle with this cutie, watch him as he would bat at his little mobile, and try my best to get a giggle out of him. Although he didn't giggle, he had this toothless grin that warmed my heart. He would smile from the corner of his mouth, and often smacked his tongue as he tried to imitate my kisses.

When I arrived at work and saw how this little guy look...I just knew things weren't right. I tried my best to be the "nurse," but all the while my heart was hurting.

It was a long twelve hours involving lab work, cool baths to bring down his temperature, holding, singing...praying. No smiles for me this day, just a quiet calm stare. He was awake the entire shift, but looked so tired. Even a visit from his mom couldn't bring on a smile(he always smiles for her), just this look.

It was very difficult for me to leave at the end of my shift. I felt like I had more to do for him, but had no idea what that would be, as I knew he was in good hands. I asked to be called if anything should happen. (As a nurse in the NICU, you sometime just can't leave your work behind). On my drive home I prayed...Heavenly Father, please give this little guy some rest. He looks so weary and tired. At the same time, one of my favorite songs, I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin was playing on the radio.

That night as I tried to sleep, the same song was playing over and over again in my head. I woke before 1am with those lyrics running through my mind. The phone rang shortly after 1 with the news...I just couldn't believe it, another little NICU boy I have grown to love has gone to heaven.

Immediately after Ricky's death I felt such anger at God...why didn't you do something? When I got the news of this little guy early this am, I felt the same way. Wiping my tears, I got dressed and headed down to the hospital to say goodbye. On my drive the same song was playing. As I heard the words...

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

I suddenly had my answer...

As I held, rocked, and hummed this song to this little guy, I realized for him there will be No more sorrow, no more pain. He has risen on eagles wings.

I will miss him terribly, but I know together with Ricky they are singing praises with the angels.

I thank all of you for your prayers, if you would continue to pray for the family and the staff in our NICU, I would greatly appreciate it. I also want to take a moment to mention how wonderful it is to work with such a great crew. So many have been touched by this little guys life, not just the nurses...the respiratory therapist, the unit clerks, the volunteers, the housekeepers, and even the other families who have caught a glimpse of that grin.

I wish I knew how to download the song from You Tube...can't figure it out.
Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI

Cast all your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7

Many of you have been so faithful by joining me in prayer for many of my dear family and friends. Earlier this year I asked for your prayers for my dear friend, Arianna. She has now started a blog about her journey with breast cancer, you can read about it here. Your prayers meant so much to her as she fought a tough battle. They also meant so much to me. Thank you for your faithfullness

As this year comes to a close I have several prayer request. My first, is for another dear friend and co-worker, Michelle. She is approaching her 24th week of her pregnancy (age of viability) with many complications. Being a NICU nurse, she is faced with many difficult thoughts, decisions, and emotions. She is very generous at heart, always extending a helping hand to anyone in need. Now on bed rest, she needs our prayers for a continued pregnancy and delivery of her little girl. She too has started a blog, please stop by and let her know you're praying for her.

My second prayer request is for a little guy I've become quite fond of. He is a patient in the NICU where I work.

He reminds me a lot of this little man

This new little guy, who has captured my heart has been in the NICU for eight months. For confidentiality reasons I can not disclose his name or the reason why he is in our unit. I can tell you, he has had a difficult life for such a little guy. Sometimes even caring for him is so hard.

Recently, he's been facing some really tough times. Usually I can get a smile out of him, but lately, his smiles have been few and far between, and it breaks my heart. When I'm working, I find I just can't get enough of this little guy. When I'm home...I miss him and wonder how he's doing.

This is the part of my job that is extremely difficult, so hard not to bring home. You question why someone so small, just starting out in life, suffers so much. I want to fix him, I want him to go home with his family. I'm counting on my faith, knowing the Lord always sees us through difficult times.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Would you please join me in prayer for him and Michelle.

Calling All Prayer Warriors!

Would you all please stop over MckMama's blog and pray for Stellan.

Things aren't going so well for the little guy and they could really use our prayers.

Thanks & God Bless!

Keep Praying

******Update****

Here is a email from my dear friend Ariana....You guys are just awesome!!! Jesus Is Awesome!!!

Hey sweetie! Just want to say thanks again for all of your prayers. I know they are working. The surgeon was able to get all of the cancer out of my lymph nodes and it was a lot. If he had been unable to get it out. He said it would have been a death sentence. But he did get and they are going to hit me very hard with chemo for 6 months followed by radiation. please say thank you to all of your friends for keeping me in there prayers.love ya Ari



Ariana headed into surgery this afternoon at three. She is currently in recovery as I type. Mike, her husband, was told by the surgeon that they were able to remove all the cancer. The next step is chemo and radiation.

They are so grateful for all the prayers and support. I can only imagine how overwhelmed and terrified they must be feeling. Would you all continue to pray tonight and in the future for comfort and healing in this ferocious storm for both Ariana and Mike.

Below are a few updates on face book by her husband.

My dear wife; the battle we are just starting to face; my deep, sincere love for Ariana; I am also thinking of the others who are going through this as well; I want to do everything I can, for the rest of my life to help medicine overtake this disease. I do not want another woman, wife, daughter, mommy, husband, father, or son to have to go through this. Keep the good words and thoughts alive. Michael

Just saw Ariana in the recovery room, she is doing very well; a little sore (who would have thought that..?), but in very good spirits; she sends her love and hellos to everyone, a little hoarse from beng intubated, but is ready for some Chipotle dammit!! Without everyones support today, I would be a bigger mess than I already am; I personally thank each one of you. I am forever indebted to you all. Michael

Ariana & Mike~

I praying for comfort and peace in the arms of Jesus. May our Lord be with you thoughout this process. My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes form Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalms 62:1-2
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. Psalms 62:5 God is so good, he will carry you.

In Jesus name, Amen.