Let me tell you 'bout...

the birds and the bees

and the flowers and the trees

and the moon up above

and a thing called "Love"

Anyone remember these lyrics? They've been playing over and over again in my head for about a month now. It all started with worry.

Worry about my finances.

Worry about my children's future.

Worry about my job.

Worry about where I would live.

Worry about homeschooling.

Worry about my marriage.

Worry if I'm good enough.

Worried about yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

As you can see I became consumed by worry. Consumed to the point where I tried to control my worry by over eating, not eating, sleeping, and shutting others out. I prayed and prayed...still worried.  About a month ago, I decided to be silent and hear what the Lord had to say to me about worry.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Matthew 6:25-28

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

As I read these words, I struggled with hearing the message within them. Later that afternoon I went for a walk. I was followed by a group of birds. They were swirling around me. (Actually, they were driving me nuts!) I was trying to listen to my Christian music (perhaps the Lord would speak to me in song) and they were distracting. I stopped...look at the birds of the air! I took my earphones out and to my surprise I could hear them chirping away (normally I can't hear anything without my hearing aids). The sounds were beautiful. I continued to watch and was fascinated by how they would soar through the air. Wings spread...glidding...so free...not a care in the world. I remembered the birds nest above my front door. I've watch the momma bird fly to and fro providing food for her young. No worries, the Lord supplied her need. Soon, the babies were gone...the nest empty. Momma still with no worries, for she knows the Lord will care for her Babies...He will provide. I'm reminded; my children may leave the nest...trust...the Lord will care for His children.

I didn't really see bees on my walk, but they often surround my front door. As I looked up scripture about bees/hornets.  It seems the Lord sends these tiny creatures to destroy.  I thought of how often, we are so fearful of these little bees. Arms waving frantically...we try to escape the sting of the bee. Yet, this tiny creature, knows its strength...shows no fear...uses what God has given to defend off intruders. We too have been given such strength...His word, His promise...abide in Me and I in you. John 15:4

As I continued on my walk, I noticed all the wild flowers along my path. (This day I made them lilies.) There was a breeze that day, I watched them gently sway. Such a beautiful dance. Nothing to carry them away, for they were firmly planted in good soil. Firmly planted in Him...I too will remain when the enemy attacks.

I now shifted my attention to the trees. So many shades of green. Only God can create such magnificent shades. Although, the trees here are not planted near water, they receive water. It can be very hot here, yet in the summer, the leaves remain green...wilting only with lack of water. Many friends have fruit trees. Cherries, lemons, even the apple orchids bear fruit. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in Him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John15:5

My mind wondered to our recent camping trip. I felt so close to God in all of His creation, I was fascinated by His wondrous works. The trees near the flowing river, the birds, the butterflies, the sounds, smells, the fine details, I was in awe.

As the seasons change, the trees remain.  Although the leaves may turn to vibrant shades of red, yellow, orange...their roots remain spread across the earth. The rain or snow, continues to provide the water they need to survive.  Do you remember the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well? He explained to her that He was the living water, and if we drink from Him we will never thirst.  He's saying, He will provide all we need for life. If we trust in Him for all things, our humanly desires will soon fade as we see how much the Lord has blessed us. No matter what season we're in, He provides!!

What about the moon? Have you ever looked at the moon and sworn you saw a face? Intriguing! I started thinking about the sky and it's vastness. How small we are among this giant universe. Yet, every hair on our head, every thought...He knows. I have recently been blessed with the most beautiful sunrises and clear skies at night...the moon and stars so bright. What a glorious kingdom...yes!?

What I realized, again...I have no control. I'm reminded of what Jesus told Martha...Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her. Luke 10:41-42.

What is so amazing, is that the Lord loves me so much He allows me to try to control my life, He waits patiently on the sidelines till I trust in Him...He forgives. Only one thing is needed...remain in Him.

Everything...the birds, bees, flowers, trees, moon, stars, sunrises, sunsets, His children...all created by Him from LOVE!

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31. I love this scripture!

One of the women in my Recovery group said something that I have a firm grip on.  You see, for such a long time I allowed Satan to bind me to my desire for control. So much so that I closed my mind and my thoughts to how great the Lord's love is for me. I let others influence me, I let my entitlement control my desires. 
But now...

NO ONE CAN TAKE MY GOD AWAY FROM ME!

His love is displayed throughout all of creation...just take a look...just trust...He will never leave or forsake any of His children, His creations!

I'm troubled

Yesterday a friend of mine posted the video below on Facebook. As I watched, tears streamed down my cheeks. I saw myself in this video.

I grew up in a Christian home, yet I didn't know the Lord. Many family members prayed diligently to Him and believed in Him with their heart and soul. Yet, for me, I saw the Lord as someone who had high expectations of me I knew I could never meet. I thought He was this big eye in the sky watching every move I made, frowning upon me, turning His back on me. I would pray for Him to give me the desires of my heart...nothing. I just couldn't fully trust this great and powerful being, so why bother. It wasn't until just recently, I came to know the Lord, my God, my Savior. You can read about it here.

As I watched this video, I was reminded how easy we fall pray to the enemy. Every aspect of this video was and at times, still is my life. It was here, Satan, knowing my lack of knowledge and trust in the Lord, held me captive. So much so, that at one point in my teen years I tried to take my life. I was so desperate for acceptance, that I was willing to do anything. I decided to take the wide road because it was easier. I fell under the pressures of peers, men, alcohol, drugs, all which lead to depression. I wanted what I wanted and pursued those desires eventually making them my idols. I am so thankful that the Lord never leaves or forsakes us. I was once lost but, now I am found.

What troubles me...so many, young and old, don't know the Lord. Or, like me, they don't understand the desires of His heart. We are called as Christians, to share with those who don't know, or who have wondered away from the Lord, about His unconditional love, His grace, His sacrifice. By sharing our testimony about the Lord with others, one person may come to know Him...Amen!

I have two grown children and three teens. Sadly, because of my past belief, during their younger years, I never spoke of the Lord's love for me, for them. I'm troubled that they too may be held captive by the enemy. I'm sharing my love for the Lord with them now, I pray for them, but ultimately, they must believe and trust in Him.

I'm troubled as I think of the many who are smoothered by what they believe will make them happy. By those who fail to see the Lord standing on the side lines of their lives reaching out to them. Toubled that many will never run to His arms. Troubled for those who believe the Lord is the cause of their pain. Troubled for those who don't know the truth.
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, He SAVED me. Psalm 115:5-6

I have a request, would you take time to pray for those who don't yet know or trust the Lord. For the many that are trapped by the devil's grip.



But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Have a safe and blessed 4th.

50

Today I start a new decade of my life. The past few decades left me bitter, resentful, and empty. I struggled to find my purpose in life, honestly...I'm still not certain of what that is. One thing I am certain...He knows.

I'm struggling, wondering why it took me till 50 to feel and understand the Lord's love and grace for me. I struggle, thinking...wouldn't it have been better for me to know this years ago that I might pass it on to my children? So much pain could have been avoided. I'm reminded that it's His timing, not mine. His purpose, not mine. Still in my human nature, I wish it had been sooner.

So much has changed for me since the first of the year. I made a decision to seek Him diligently and I found Him. Often I would hear others express how they hear the Lord speaking to them. Honestly, my response...psst, okay, sure!

I use to think He only spoke to those worthy. I use to think He speaks with this great voice, you know like when He spoke to Moses. I never saw this burning bush, or heard that thunderous voice. I just couldn't grasp what people were saying, until now.

The Lord speaks to us in ways we understand, in ways only we can hear Him, in ways that are unique only to us. For me, I hear Him in books I read, songs, biblical stories, and when others share an experience with me. The first few times I recognized Him speaking to me, actually blew my mind. And yes, He speaks to those of us who feel unworthy, for all are worthy in His eyes.

For so long I held on to bitterness, anger, resentment, hurt over so many circumstances in my life. I held on to my unforgiving heart. I felt so stained by my sins, believing I would never be forgiven I stayed in the darkness...because it's what I deserved. As a result, I did it my way. I tried to control my destiny and that of my family. Everything became, all about me.

In February I started the Celebrate Recovery program at church. Coupled with my devotion to His word, a change has started in my heart, in my life. A change that comes from the Lord's unconditional love and grace for me.

I was desperate for change, as a result,it was time. Time for the Lord to show me how great His love and forgiveness is. I wish I could describe it so all can understand, I simply can't. But, when you feel it, you'll know exactly what I mean. Because He loves me so...I want to give that love back.

How do I do this? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul, with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:30-31

For so long I fought against the greatest commandment because of my entitlement attitude. You love me first, then I will love you. We love because He first loved us. 1John 4:19.

Because He loves me so much, He waited for me. He waited till He knew I would be ready to receive all He had to say to me. This has not been a painless process. No, it's been quite painful. As He has revealed my sinful ways, He is creating in me a new self.

A recent story I read, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, is where the Lord has recently spoken the loudest to me. Without giving much of the story away, I want to share a few things with you.

There is a situation where Corrie at the age of nine or ten ask her father a question. He doesn't answer right away, but waits for the perfect timing (Something the Lord does, His timing). He ask Corrie to carry his train case which is full. She tries, but responds by saying "I can't, it's too heavy!" He says, "How cruel it would be for a father to let a little girl carry such a load." He then explains, "Sometimes knowledge is this way. Some knowledge is to heavy for children to carry, when you're older you can carry it, but for now, let me carry it." I realize the Lord is like this, He carries the load until He knows we are ready. I also realized that far to often, I let my children carry my train case, when I should have carried that load. It's here, I think..."Lord, if I only knew this then!"

Another big moment for me was when Corrie's father tries to comfort her broken heart. He explains, "love is the strongest force in the world, and when it's blocked that means pain. There are two things you can do when this happens. Kill the love so it stops hurting, but then of course, a part of you dies too. Or, ask God to open up another route for that love to travel. If you ask Him, He will give you a love nothing can prevent or destroy. Whenever we can't love the human way, God can give us the perfect way." WOW!!

This made me realize so often in my life, I killed the love because of my bitterness, anger, resentment, controlling, perfectionist, entitlement attitude. As a result, a part of myself and those that I loved died. Again..."Lord, if I only knew this then!"

But, I didn't.

But, I do now!!

For me to continue to live in the past, to allow it to hold me captive, forever trapped in darkness, Satan would win. But, I now have the light... "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12.

The final thing spoken to me in this story is about forgiveness. Corrie struggled to forgive a man who had done much wrong to her, to others. She prayed, "I cannot forgive this man, Lord give me your strength to forgive." The moment she took this man's hand she understood, "it's not on our forgiveness any more than our goodness that the worlds healing hinges, but on HIS! When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself!"
So, I begin my 50's with new knowledge...Love is the greatest force in the world.

Sometimes love hurts and when it does I can ask the Lord to give me His way to love, the perfect way.

After all, He loves me more than I can ever imagine.

He loves me enough to carry my train case.

He loves me enough to let me try it my way.

He loves me enough to forgive me of my sins.

He loves me enough to sacrifice life that I may have life.

To forgive me when I leave Him.

To accept me back, no questions asked, with open arms.